[This post is part of Blogging Against Disablism Day 2012.]

I was reading my feed reader the other day, when I saw a post with a quiz titled "What kind of deaf person are you?". I'm a sucker for internet quizzes, so I took the quiz straight away.

As I was reading through the questions, I realised that the answers I chose were completely different to the answers I would have given four years ago. I made a note of which answers I would choose now, and which I would have given then.

There was not even one question for which the answers I chose were the same.

Four years ago, I would have answered this quiz with all As, which (according to the quiz creator) made me a "repressed and well-brought up deafie". Nowadays my answers are split between Bs and Cs, which puts me somewhere between a "moderately repressed and well-brought up deafie" and a "proactive deafie".

I can't remember when that change happened exactly, but I do know that it's one of a group of changes that have happened throughout my life, which have only happened when I've finally given up on trying to keep in line with other people's expectations. It happened with my depression, anxiety and PTSD, when I finally realised how much keeping things inside was just making me worse. It happened with my back/hip problem, when I finally realised how not using a walking stick was actually making things worse. And of course, it happened with my hearing loss, when I realised that pretending that I understood what people were saying when I didn't often made situations worse.

My life is better since I realised these things. I go out more, knowing what my limits are and not being afraid to say "I can't do this today". I walk more, because I actually can. I talk to people more, and I'm able to ask people to face me when talking to me or to repeat things I didn't quite catch the first time.

But sometimes I wonder. I wonder what my life would have been like if I'd realised these things sooner. I've wasted years trying to appear normal, and hurt myself in the process.

Which is why I'm taking part in Blogging Against Disablism Day today - because ablism/disablism isn't just able-bodied people actively discriminating against people with disabilities, it's also a system which promotes an able-bodied neurotypical ideal, and trying to live up to that ideal can do more harm to people with disabilities than good.

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So, with my Rainbow Child moodtheme due to be available as a public moodtheme on the site soon (see: Code tour: 24th March--11th April), I've decided to make another one. But, me being me, I have a few questions about what people want in a public moodtheme, so here's a poll!

Note: Firstly, this is in no way an official poll. However there may be people other than myself with an interest in these results. Secondly, these are the public moodthemes available on Dreamwidth at the current time and they are what this poll is about. Also, feel free to answer as many or as few of the questions as you like, or to leave comments if you wish. If you'd link this around a bit so that I can get as many people to fill out this poll as possible, I will be forever grateful.

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Anyone else doing it this year?

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So I got my hair cut.

( Before and after photos under the cut! )

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Am I the only one who gets a kind of... updating anxiety? I mean, I meant to write another post a week after the last one, but then when I didn't do that, I got all anxious about not having posted, which made me put off posting, which made me more anxious...

(Damn, it's taken me half an hour to get this far, this is ridiculous.)

Since I last posted, I... haven't finished tidying my room. It's not my fault, I swear! Turns out, I don't actually have any storage space except for my wardrobe (which is full of clothes), my bookcase (which is full of books), and my bedside table (which is full of rubbish). I don't even have the space under my bed as an option, because my grandad has a load of his stuff under there. Still trying to find a solution to this.

I ended up watching all 5 seasons of Yugioh (well, re-watching the first 3 seeing as I watched them around 10 years ago). Bad idea. Ended up crying my eyes out at the end, even though I knew how it ended before I watched it. I will hopefully end up writing a proper post about that at some point, although absolutely no-one will be interested in my thoughts on it.

(An hour and a half to get this far.)

Talking about re-watching things that end up being bad ideas, does anyone remember Transformers: The Movie? Because I re-watched that the other day, and what the hell were my parents thinking when they let me watch that as a kid? Unicron is scary as all hell. The soundtrack is wonderful, in a cheesy 'inspirational' 80s rock kind of way. Which is my favourite kind of way.

(Two hours. What the fuck.)

Last Monday was my first BSL Level 2 (Unit 201: Receptive Skills) exam. If my teacher is right, then I passed it with full marks, but I have to wait a few more weeks for it to be official. But what can I say, I have ridiculously good luck with multiple choice quizzes.

Does anyone here remember my Rainbow Child moodtheme? Well, I've submitted it to become an official Dreamwidth moodtheme. I've even got myself a Dreamhack so I can follow how someone can even make that happen (or, if that doesn't happen for a while, make it happen myself, because I have an awful lot to learn before I could do it).

Other than that, I can't really think of much to update about, but that might be the migraine talking (honest to god, I am having to wear sunglasses indoors, this is not good), or possibly my anxiety (which is through the roof, but it doesn't seem to have affected my mood too badly, which can only be a blessing, right?).

(Two and a half hours, and done.)

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( Cut for images )

[Image description: three separate views of my messy bedroom.]

This is my room, as of 12 noon today.

And these photos haven't done the situation justice. I don't know if it's just the depression talking, but every time I've thought about tackling this, it's just seemed completely insurmountable.

So, I've brought in some help. Behold: Unfuck Your Habitat and Chore Wars, as suggested in this Dreamwidth post (I've joined the group mentioned in the comments, seeing as I would be the only one in my house doing it). Let's see if they help.

If I haven't updated about this in about a week's time, feel free to pester me about it. I'm not saying it will be done in a week's time, because life happens and all, but I should be able to at least record what I have/haven't done.

Also, I clearly need better curtains, because closed curtains should not let in so much light.


PS: I've already cleaned the bathroom today, go me!




[Crossposted to my tumblr, apologies if you see this twice.]

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[Content notes: Gynaecological exams, sexual abuse triggers, mental health issues.]

( Possibly triggering content under the cut )

( Some tips for getting through cervical screening and other gynaecological exams )

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It turns out that the advice I asked for in my last entry? Completely not needed. Mainly because my grandad went out and bought two (2) laptops yesterday. I honestly thought we were just getting one, because we were only replacing one computer, but my grandad had other ideas and the money to back them up.

So now I have a Packard Bell EasyNote TK in red (I think it's this one but do not quote me on that). I don't care what anyone says, it is wonderful, especially since it is several times better than the 10 year old desktop I'm used to using. It has 3 USB ports, a SD slot and several other slots that I have no idea what they do but it should be fun finding out.

And now to transfer all my stuff from my old computer to this one.

PS: Please forgive my typing (here and elsewhere), I'm not used to the keyboard yet.

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( Ignore this post - problem solved! )

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To be fair, I do have my reasons for not having updated more regularly, although most of them fall into one of two categories: being distracted by games, and it being cold around here.

By that, I don't mean that it's cold in the north of England (although it is cold in the north of England - in that it's been cold enough the last few nights for there to be thick frost in the morning, then cold enough during the days that the frost doesn't melt, so now there's layers of frost and I didn't even realise that that was a thing), but that it's cold around here where my computer is. Even with the heating on, this little bit of the house is still cold enough to turn my fingernails blue. I'm currently wearing a snuggie backwards (like a cardigan or something), which seems to be helping a little (the sleeves cover my hands!) but not enough for me to want to stay here for long. The fact that it's taken me 2 weeks to come up with this solution probably says things about my state of mind, but I really do not care to disect that right now.

That said, it's not like I have anything much to update about. So I'm going off to be distracted by Final Fantasy VI again, over where it's warm.

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Happy New Year everyone!

If today was anything to go by, I will be spending 2012 playing videogames and watching films while drinking orange juice out of a champagne flute. I am surprisingly happy with this.

(It's a lot better than what I was actually doing at midnight - I was curled up in bed, terrified, having just been woken up by nearby fireworks. From what I could tell, next door's puppy was just as scared, if not more so, so at least I wasn't alone in that. I really hate loud noises.)

I was also vaguely productive, in that I also did the laundry. Which was practically an all-day job in itself, seeing as it partly involved hand-washing bedsheets - somehow, after three years, I still haven't got the hang of those. Am I a terrible person if the first thing I want to get when I get a job is a washing machine?

Tomorrow, I will be more productive - I will take down the Christmas decorations, clean the bathroom, and generally tidy up. Oh, and maybe remember to actually get dressed rather than staying in my pajamas all day. Or not. I still have the house to myself for a few more days, and I won't be going outside, so I'm not sure it matters much either way.

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For those interested, Christmas went well. I didn't manage to blow up the house, and no-one bought me alcohol.

I did get a pair of earrings, but they were part of a set that my grandad thought was just a necklace when he bought it, plus it had a bonus bracelet that he didn't know about until I opened it - and it actually fits on my huge wrists, would you believe it - so I'm actually pretty happy about that. I also got given two more necklaces from my Auntie, and a gorgeous-smelling shower set from my Mum.

Also, while I was making plans for making Christmas dinner the week before, my grandad realised that I didn't have enough trays/dishes to be able to put everything in the oven at once, and bought me two medium-sized ovenproof dishes (just the right size to be able to put them side-by-side on the same shelf in the oven, and our oven isn't all that big) and two incredibly tiny Pyrex dishes, which I didn't end up using.

The dinner itself was anti-climatic. I expected things to go disastrously wrong, but they didn't - the only thing that really went wrong was that the Yorkshire puddings got knocked while they were in the oven, and I had to make more. Oh, that and no-one was really used to having roast dinners, so everyone got full really quickly and there ended up being loads of food left over. It turned out that they all felt that there was no point in having a big roast dinner at Christmas if you don't want to - which is a fair point, but I kind of wish someone had said something earlier.

Oh well.

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Many thanks to angelbabe_cj, fizzyblogic & leanwellback, glasgirl, meloglas, shirasade, and tweeti for the lovely holiday cards!

Last Thursday I had a job interview. It went well, but they hired someone who had more experience in the end. On the plus side, I now have a nice new snazzy outfit.

On Sunday, I'm going to be making Christmas dinner. My first Christmas dinner, to be precise. This cannot possibly end well.

Other than that, I don't think I have much news. My depression and memory problems seem to be teaming up to make my life as difficult to post about as they can - basically, by the time I feel that posting about something that's happened is worth doing, I've forgotten what I was wanting to post about in the first place.

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If you want a holiday card this year, please send me your details by one of the following methods:

• fill out my holiday card poll (either on Dreamwidth or Livejournal)
• screened comment on one of the two above-mentioned posts
• email (kittyofangels[at]gmail.com)
• private message
• DM on twitter

The last posting dates from the UK (as taken directly from the Royal Mail website) are:

• Mon 5th December - South & Central America, Caribbean, Africa, Middle East, Asia, Far East (including Japan), Australia and New Zealand
• Fri 9th December - Eastern Europe, USA and Canada
• Mon 12th December - Western Europe
• Tue 20th December - UK

(If I do not have your address by the time mentioned above, I can still send you a card, but I have no idea when you'll get it. Adjust dates accordingly for holidays/celebrations before December 24th.)

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It's that time again!

Poll #1794238 Holiday Card Poll
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: None, participants: 5

Would you like a holiday card?

Which holidays do you celebrate during December/January?

Which area will I be sending your holiday card to?

What name would you like on your card?

What name and address would you like your card sent to?

Ticky?

PS: You can PM or email me (kittyofangels[at]gmail.com) with any details/additional info if you prefer.



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Just as I promised in my last post, under the cut are my top 10 dances performed by professionals on Strictly Come Dancing since I started watching it in 2008.

( My Top 10 Strictly Come Dancing Professional Dances )

Zip file of all videos in this post.

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As some of my friends have just started watching Strictly Come Dancing this year, I have people to talk (read: squee) to about it.

But I have three series worth of squee that I haven't been able to act on! So, under the cut are my top 10 dances performed by celebrities since I started watching it in 2008.

( My Top 10 Strictly Come Dancing Celebrity Dances )

Zip file of all videos in this post.

Coming soon: my favourite Strictly Come Dancing professional dances!

PS: I'd love to hear about other people's favourite dances from any series of Strictly, so feel free to comment, even if I don't know you!

PSS: Yes, I am going to be completely unbearable while Strictly is going on. Sorry!

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Don't kill me, but I might have completely ignored the poll results and bought the orange leggings. And they might have arrived today. And they might fit completely perfectly.

To be fair, I'll probably buy a pair in three more of the colours (i.e. all but the yellow) at some point, because they're all of £9 each. Oh, who am I kidding, I'll probably get the yellow ones too for that price. For anyone wanting a comparision, the place I normally get clothes from only has one pair of leggings in my size, and they're £27.

There should probably be a photo of said leggings here, but I kinda want to post a photo of my Halloween outfit as a whole.

I did a test batch of the pumpkin pie on Sunday. I say "batch" because I somehow ended up with enough filling for 4 pies. Also, I think it needed a little more pumpkin in it.

Whoops, I just wasted an hour an a half looking at the slytherpuff tag on Tumblr. I should really go to bed if I'm going to be awake for the BSL cafe tomorrow.

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The other morning I woke up to find a ladybird on my bed. Maybe it just liked the spots on my bedcovers?

I was having a horrible day, but then I remembered that there are pictures of ladybirds on beds and songs about turtles in the world.

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I keep forgetting to update when things actually happen. Like when I started making little tiny hats for The Big Knit. Or last weekend, when I had to grill a cake (cool trick for if the oven stops working - just put the cake under the grill at the lowest possible heat, and don't forget to cook both sides of it). Or Wednesday, when I went to a BSL Cafe, which I then totally forgot to post about when I got home, because my hard of hearing badges arrived (my own design, made by Kool Badges):

However, I do have a decision to make, and therefore a question to ask.

Halloween this year falls on a Monday. My BSL class is on a Monday. Therefore, I think it is only proper for me to go to my class in fancy dress. (I also think it is only proper to take in a pumpkin pie instead of the usual cake, but that is another story.) I am going to go as a witch. This has the upsides of being able to make my walking stick look like part of the costume (a broom!), and being able to wear my black dress.

But the dress is short. Too short for me to feel comfortable wearing outside on a cold night without something covering my legs. Like leggings. And I have found somewhere (Yours Clothing) that does colourful leggings in my size. Only there are 5 colours to choose from, and that means making a decision and I am not very good at making decisions.



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