Nothing much has happened over the last few days. Today however, I learnt three new things:

1. I learnt that I have a build-up of fluid behind my left eardrum, so now I have to take a nasal spray in the hope that it'll help drain some of it. It'd better, because this spray is horrible.


2. I went to my introduction-to-therapy, where I learnt that I'll be starting Cognitive Behavioural Therapy in two weeks time. Not that I have any idea what will actually happen, but that's life.


3. There is a company that makes yogurt that is called NOM Dairy.

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( You don't need to read this. )

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Dear bank I bank at,

Why do you hate me? I know I'm not your best customer, but you have made a lot of money out of me by way of fees in the past, so it balances out. You know my logic makes sense here.

All that aside, why do you keep insisting that I need to be signed up to telephone banking? I asked you to take my telephone number off your records months ago (which it turns out you didn't, thanks for that) because I can't hear properly. I can just about understand people over the phone if I try, but it's tiring and I make a lot of mistakes. Mistakes that I really can't afford to make when banking.

Can't you do something about this, like maybe putting a note on my file saying that I can't hear properly or something? Anything so that I don't have to explain it every single time I go into the branch. It wouldn't just help me - it would save several of your cashiers from having to hear me complain about it (the one I saw today went from having body language which said "stop whinging" to "oh shit, sorry!" so fast when I said I couldn't hear properly, it was almost funny. Almost.).

No love,
Me


Crossposted to hard_of_hearing - I'm not advertising the community, I swear.

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I'm covered in bees!

...You know, if by "covered in" you mean "dealing with", and by "bees" you mean "the mother and father of all colds". It's the same basic principle.

My grandad keeps hinting that it might be flu. It's not. It's not because I say it's not. Or, at least, I'd say it's not, but my voice disappeared yesterday, so speaking's kinda off the table. As is typing for too long, because there's a lot of ouch going on (and half of my right foot keeps falling asleep, which I don't understand at all).

So, in conclusion: I'm covered in bees, do not have the flu, and will reply to comments and entries when I can keep hold of my phone for more than 5 minutes at a time.


(For the record, I'll concede that I have flu when it's annoying enough that I want to kill someone, but totally lack the energy to do so.)

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Random fact: The only thing I'm allergic to is plastic bags.

And now, a random poll. No, I won't tell you what it's about. Yes, you can pick the same colour twice if you really want to.

Poll #1489235 Pick a colour...
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: None, participants: 16

Colour #1:

Colour #2:

I was going to make a proper post about this, but I can't. All I can do is point you towards the list of those who've been killed since 20th November 2008 just for being themselves, and let it do the talking.

Transgender Day Of Remembrance 2009


[For further reading I'd suggest queenemily's post at Questioning Transphobia and kaninchenzero's post at FWD]

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Looking at my Google Reader earlier, I noticed this little gem from It Made My Day:

I passed a sign on the road that said "Sex without consent is RAPE"... except someone spray painted over the giant word RAPE and put "A SURPRISE!". IMMD

... Yeah.

Originally I was just going to ignore it, because I really didn't want to upset myself over it, but something snapped (maybe because I've never seen anything remotely like this from this site?) and I decided to go to site itself and raise hell over it. Except, by the time I got there, the post had mysteriously disappeared.

Maybe someone had already caused hell about it, or maybe the site owner(s) worked out for themselves that it wasn't the best post to have on their site. Either way, it kind of made my day.

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It's taken me all day to write 600 words of fanfic.

And people wonder why I say I'll never do NaNo.

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With depression there are good days and bad days. And then there are days when everything seems okay-ish, and you think that maybe you can get stuff done today - except today your brain has other ideas.

Today is one of those days for me. My brain has officially taken a holiday, which means I've managed to do a grand total of nothing. No tidying, no exercising, no writing. I haven't even been able to do the descriptions for my dreamwidth icons, which I really wanted to get done. The descriptions should be easy to do, but... Apparently not.

Anyone want to help? I've got about half of them done already, but I just feel so stuck.

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Having heard so much about Archive of our Own (which I'm not a member of - not sure if I want another site to update), I decided to see if any Final Fantasy XII girlslash fic had been uploaded.

The good news: Final Fantasy XII is, at this time, the most popular gaming fandom on there with 64 fics.

The bad news: only 2 of those fics are tagged as having f/f pairings - and one of those is a crossover.

In other words, if I want Final Fantasy XII girlslash, I'm going to have to write it myself.

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Seriously, is it really that hard to get subtitles right?

I don't know if it's a fault with the people who code the subtitles, the broadcaster, or the digital TV company, but having subtitles just show up for a fraction of a second (barely long enough to notice, nevermind read) isn't actually useful. If it happens on a big programme (it's happened on both Merlin and Doctor Who this week, for example), it's nearly always sorted by the time the programme gets repeated (normally less than a week later), so I have no idea where the problem actually is.

(This happened loads with last night's Doctor Who special - so much so that I ended up making up my own story. It was probably pretty similar to the actual story, but with much more swearing and a rendition of Craig David's "Walking Away".)

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There is a mouse in my room.

Wait, that's not strictly true. Either there is a mouse in my room, or I am starting to hear things again. The last time I started hearing things (and the two times before that), I ended up having a nervous breakdown. Having been through enough breakdowns in my life, I don't think anyone can blame me for going with the mouse theory. After all, I'm not scared of mice.

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Random fact of the day: I've never had a bad Friday the 13th. Okay, so I've dealt with low points on those days, but they've always started prior to the actual day, and therefore do not count. I have, however, had some horrible Saturday the 14ths, and last Thursday the 12th was a disaster.

I'm thinking about cutting some people from my LJ flist - namely people who update regularly, but I never actually talk to, because we have so little in common. Part of me also wants to subscribe to more people on DW, but I need to get into the habit of commenting on the journals I'm already subscribing to first. I guess I'm just scared of how I'll come across to some people, especially right now.

Talking of Dreamwidth, I still have invites. Just sayin'.

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I'm going to start posting random facts about me on the days that I can't come up with an actual post. Because reading about my depression can't be fun.

So today's fact is: I own no yellow clothing.

(I've only just realised that this may be a shortcoming - when you're wearing blue knickers and a red bra, you really need a pair of yellow socks.)


Also, a poll to check whether I'm the only person who thinks a certain way - brought to you by the power of creepy Twilight merch.

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I was going to tell you about my day, but I'm going to bed instead. It's been that kind of day.

(The fact that I have soft bedsheets and warm pajamas waiting for me has had no effect on this decision at all.)


[Edit] I swear, I will comment to journals and stuff when I'm feeling a bit better, and I'm hugely sorry to the few people who I have commented to over the last few days for generally not making much sense.

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When I'm dealing with a low point I try to do positive things, so I ended up watching an animal rescue programme featuring a pot-bellied piglet. Unfortunately, the channel showing it never has subtitles available, which is how I ended up hearing the phrase "bacon sandwich" twice in three minutes, even though it was probably never actually said.

I'm a vegetarian, honest!

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I don't understand why my head's being like this. I mean, I'm used to having lows, but not this bad. I can't seem to pull myself out of it at all, and part of me's wondering if I'd be better off coming off the meds, which isn't good at all because I've been on these for over ten months and they've been working pretty well all that time, and I've never so much as questioned whether they're useful to me. And yet the only time I've ever been this bad is when I've just started new meds or been completely off them.

This is such a bad place to be in right now.

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Today I've got pissed off at a post in an LJ community, removed myself from several other LJ communities, got rid of my filters on both DW and LJ, gone through and tagged all the entries that used to be filtered, made all of those entries public, and paid my phone bill.

In other words, I've done very little today.

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red_trillium, the founder of arrow_rest, describes himself as "a man of many interests and few talents". I'd say that he's just an ordinary guy with an extraordinarily large heart, and I'm not just saying that because he bought me my Dreamwidth account.

kanata, the guy behind the transfic masterlist, has such a great outlook on life. He also has a tendency to review fic, candy and any books he can, which comes in really useful if you're as indecisive as me.

aqrima is a young woman trying to navigate the prejudice and privilege prevalent at university and the world at large. She's also an iconmaker over at tartlyours when she gets the time.

metaquotes is just getting started, and luckily the mods don't believe that rape jokes can be anything but offensive. That doesn't mean that the community will be safe at all times, but there's a good chance that if you point out a problematic post to a mod, they're not likely to laugh at you for doing so.




FWD/Forward is the most inclusive feminist blog I've seen so far. It mostly deals with the intersections between feminism and disability issues, but they seem to be pretty inclusive. The Dreamwidth feed is disabledfeminists_feed.

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Yesterday my granddad aggravated an old back injury. So that he could rest up, I did the food shopping alone today.

Oh yeah, that was such a good idea /sarcasm

Because I had some trouble trying to make some sense of all the noise around me, I missed about half the stuff on the list (yes, I made a list, and ticked stuff off when I'd got it, and I still managed to miss stuff - I'm just that good), and kinda ended up in Starbucks. Yeah, dark cherry mocha happened and I don't blame me for it, that's for sure. Although it nearly didn't happen - Costa have come up with a creme brule latte, and part of me was so tempted to find out what that's meant to be.

I didn't do too badly though, I guess. I mean, I came back with stuff that can make several meals, and I didn't buy much in the way of snacks (STARMIX!), so we'll call it a win, yeah?

I would write more, but I'm scared of fireworks, and the neighbours have decided to start setting them off, and I keep dropping my phone, so I will stop here.

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